


Agent iPod Thief (AKA Phil Coulson)

by Mysana



Series: The Extraordinary Life of Darcy Lewis (Much to her Fathers' Worry) [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:06:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8155114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysana/pseuds/Mysana
Summary: Darcy thinks that Agent Coulson is maybe okay when he isn't a thief but she's none the less glad when he leaves. (Also, she uses her powers of deduction the first time.)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [racecz5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/racecz5/gifts), [Pirateweasel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pirateweasel/gifts).
  * Inspired by [This Love (Left a Permanent Mark)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6652609) by [Archetype_ElectraHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archetype_ElectraHeart/pseuds/Archetype_ElectraHeart). 



> Dedicated to pirateweasel and racecz5 for the awesome comment conversation on Agent Arms. Thank you two! :)
> 
> Both this and the previous story were mildly inspired by Archetype_ElectraHeart's Fic, This Love (Left a Permanent Mark) which I only just found again. So I'm only now adding it. I highly recommend it if you enjoy soulmark fics.

Darcy first saw Agent Phil Coulson when he was stealing her iPod. She didn’t really meet him though, for another couple of days. As soon as Thor disappear Agent Agent was quick to call his minions to get to work. Picture were taken, drawing of the pattern were made. Then it was all cleared up. It was bizarre to watch them work like an army of ants that could also kill you without trying. 

 

“I’ll be getting in touch with you.” Agent McAgent  said to Jane. 

 

Then they were gone. 

 

The next morning, during which Darcy was nursing a hangover and a new tattoo, Phil Coulson arrived like the devil come to make a deal. He was wearing an well fitted suit that contrasted yesterday’s one which had been very just-another-worker-bee. Darcy was disgusted to realise that she should probably start using her _powers of deduction_ as her Dad called them. She wanted to call him just to whine, “But it’s hard.” Then hang up. Instead she straightened up slightly, slipped on some sunglasses so she could open her eyes without pain, and _looked_ at him. 

 

 _Hands clasped in front_ , a technique to make him appear smaller, less threatening. _Full length clothing,_ it could be nothing, but was also a desert. Maybe he was covering something up. _No body guards_ , possibly to appear less threatening again, also possibly because he doesn’t need them. _Eyes aren’t focused on me_ , most people would be looking at the person they’re approaching. This either means he’s not paying attention, which is unlikely, or he is trying to _once again_ appear less threatening, or he’s scoping out the area. _Why is he trying so hard to appear non-threatening_. Okay, the most obvious reason is that he really is very threatening and is trying to make people underestimate him. (Which Darcy had. Jane had as well. Because he was just another worker bee, _wasn’t he?_ ) But you can’t assume the most obvious reason, why else would be be trying to appear less threatening? If he was worried about how any of us would respond to his work, so maybe be found out about Uncle Mike?

 

“Ms. Lewis, if you’re finished?” 

 

Darcy jumped _just the tiniest bit_. She wasn’t surprised. She’s hadn’t forgotten that she had to think _and_ interact with the physical world. God, that was so exhausting. She wanted a nap now. Damn.

 

“Gimme a moment to grab a coffee.”

 

Then, like a highly unfortunate stroke of lightening she remembered. She forgot to call Uncle Mike to tell him what had happened. _Shit._ Papa was going to do that disappointed face and Dad was going to get that pinched look. Sure, she had called Dad and Papa and hinted at what was happening, but she should’ve called him yesterday before it became illegal. _Damn._  

 

“My name is Phil Coulson, I am here as a representative of SHIELD. May I just confirm that you haven’t told anyone about what has taken place in the last three days?”

 

“Beside the Facebook post?”

 

“Beside that.” He agreed mildly. _Mildly_. Jesus, how many Secret Agents (capitalisation necessary) could be described as ‘mild’ without it being a trap? The answer - none. Zero. (Thank you Uncle Mike for _that_ lesson.)

 

“Well let’s see, I made a post on twitter, tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, snapchat-“

 

“Ms.Lewis.” (And wow, if that didn’t sound like warning.)

 

“None. I have told no one.” Darcy said, trying very hard to look like she was lying and trying to look like she wasn’t. Look Coulson in the eye, look super _sincere_ , think about having sex to raise her pulse. Continue to look Agent in the eyes while thinking about sex but try to make it look like she _wasn’t_ think about sex. 

 

“Ms.Lewis.” Agent sighed, sounding utterly exasperated. 

 

“Fine! I told my Uncle.”

 

“…” The man looked at her for a moment, “you don’t _have_ an uncle.”

 

“I don’t?” Of course she didn’t have an Uncle, _legally_. Hell, she might’ve even have a family _legally._ She honestly hadn’t checked. Well, you learn something new every day. “Well, I guess I told some stranger then.” Darcy said, shrugging and looking befuddled. The man took a deep sigh, and _oh_. Did you see that, that was a large sigh. Big lungs. Not the kind of sigh you got from someone working an office job. That lung size belonged to a solider, a fighter. _Good. Because she was not going to go down without a fight._

 

“Miss. Lewis.” (Wow, those was totally two different words.)

 

“Jesus, you already know if I told anyone because you’ve been watching me since you got here! Like was that a rhetorical question or what?!” (Ha! Irony. Maybe. Who even knew what irony was anymore.)

 

“Ms. Lewis, it was not a rhetorical question. We at SHIELD try to confirm our data as best as possible. So, have you told anyone about the events of the last three days?”

 

“Besides my Facebook post?”

 

“Yes Ms. Lewis, besides your Facebook post.” 

 

“Nah. I don’t think so. I got a bit drunk though. So, like, maybe.” Darcy smiled as Agent Agent took a deep breath and silently sighed. “Also, I called my parents so they probably figured it out.”

 

“… I see. Ms. Lewis, I feel that we will get no further on this specific topic but let me make this clear: you may not tell anyone about Thor or Asgard or the Destroyer. Or any of the events of the past four days. In fact, here are a few forms I need you to sign that say that you agree not to tell anyone anything.” Then he opened his brief case and took out significantly more than a _few forms_. The fact that it make a _thud_ sound and made the table shake was not what a _few forms_ looked like. 

 

“… I know I shouldn’t say this. But. What happens if I say no.” 

 

The MiB just _looked_ at her. It wasn’t even in a way that said, “ _You will disappear forever_ ” or anything like that. It was just a blank look. Or maybe a, _why_?  Just why. Darcy rolled her eyes. She _wasn’t_ intimidated. She had faced _John Hamish Watson_ while he was mad. The fact that the Men in Black could probably disappear her (at least for a little while) was _maybe_ a little terrifying. Not that she would admit defeat or anything. 

 

“Ms. Lewis, sign the forms.” AC (Agent Coulson. Coulson’s initials because Agent was probably his real first name. It was like he was born for this!) said.  Darcy looked down at the stack of paper and sighed.

 

“Well okay. Time to start reading.”

 

“You need to sign at the places with the neon arrows.” 

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not just going to sell my soul by _accident_. I can read it.” Darcy looked at the papers and read the first line yawning. “I won’t fall asleep reading this at all.” Agent Coulson grabbed a plastic mug and poured himself some coffee. “You know what. Can I have an actual lawyer look at this?”

 

“No.”

 

“But. I don’t. It feels like you can’t do that.”

 

“I can have SHIELD lawyer meet with you and go over it but you cannot allow anyone outside of level two and higher SHIELD agents to read any of the documents. Do you understand and agree?”

 

“Yeesh. Jeez. Paranoid!” Darcy says dismissively as if she doesn’t totally understand the reasoning and how very clear Agent Coulson is being. “Fine. Just get me someone who can explain this soul binding voodoo.”

 

Coulson looks at her in a way that makes her feel like he can see her thoughts, then walks outside for a moment and makes a minute long call. Darcy tries to see if she can send off a text to Uncle Mike before it’s too late but SHIELD is nothing is not careful and they still have every single electronic device she owns that they could find. Which was all of them. It doesn’t take long before there is a lawyer.

 

That is how Darcy spent the afternoon with a kickass lady lawyer who had no sense of humour but Darcy couldn’t help but respect. At the end of it, Darcy had learned that she had made the right choice not going to law school; Coulson probably wasn’t a soulless monster (and maybe even had a sense of humour, but that was undecided); she could basically not talk about anything that happened while in New Mexico; and she was going to stay with Dr. Foster - Jane (you got to call people by their first name after living through alien killing machines together) for a few more months so that she qualified for SHIELD authorised safety. Whatever that entailed. 

 

What did Darcy think go Agent Coulson though? Well. She respected him, and in another timeline would’ve really liked him. However at this point, she was just kinda done with SHIELD. But she kept the business card he gave her anyway. 

 

They gave back everything but her iPod which Darcy was very suspicious of. Apparently they had found ‘unidentified material’ in it. Like gosh, a few explosives and a small radio and suddenly no one wants to do what you want. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey readers, I would have written more for this one but I promised it would be released on Wednesday and I am going to stick to that timeline!
> 
> I have this image that in the future Phil and Darcy will be more friendly and such but that didn't really match up with the situation here. 
> 
> As always, please comment to let me know what you think and if you have a preference for which longer story I should write first! Who should Darcy meet next?
> 
> Finally, the next update will be up this weekend!


End file.
